10 Things You Must Know When Dating as a Single Mom | MyBrownBaby
Most men with red pill awareness know that single moms are a bad bet in . One of the biggest mistakes men who date single mothers make is. Since most dating among Black people occurs within the same race it is written with familiar . The 8 Relationships of Dating a Single Mother. Dating as a single mom is no joke—it's hard out here. Raising Dion: A Comic Book Imagines A Black Single Mom Parenting Her Superhero.
Why would she change her clothes? Kevin frequently takes a shot at getting Tierra back despite her having a new boyfriend.
He tells her how much he misses her and how sexy she is and reminds her of the nights of lovemaking between them and those special moments that they shared. They look at little Donte as he matures and notice how he has her nose and his lips, her cheeks and his eyes. Tierra tries to brush it off, but honestly, she likes the attention and the warm memories. What reason does Kevin have to respect her new relationship?
Will is a reasonable man who just wants to make sure that young Donte has the full love and support of both of his parents. Besides, Will himself knows how hard it can be on a child when the parents are at odds as he himself was in part raised by a single mom after the divorce of his parents during middle school. In his mentoring of kids, Will understands even further the importance that a healthy relationship between parents plays in the development of a child — and he would want no less than the best for little Donte.
Besides, he trusts Tierra. After all, she said she was done with Kevin right? She told Will all the things that she disliked and even hated about Kevin right? She said there was no way in hell that she would get back with him right?
Yet all of the little moments of time around each other reinforces the bonding that they naturally have. Even further, the type of love that Will develops for Tierra can never be matched by her. Donte Kevin Will Donte must be put first. Second must come Tierra because she is the mother who has to take care of her child.
Next comes Kevin as Donte needs his father and since Donte is a mutual asset between them. God forbid Tierra gets a dog or Will could be fighting for his roster spot. Tierra Donte Will As men, we are inclined to be self-sacrificing for the women that we love. Will is in position to put Tierra and even her son, the product of another man — ahead of his own self. This is such a common thing among Black men. Unlike men who have children already, Will can only experience a sense of patriarchy in his relationship with Tierra.
The special and sacred tie that men want with a woman in creating a genealogy with her does not exist between Will and Tierra. Will has put himself in the bulls-eye for emotional turmoil and devastation. Imagine if Tierra assures Will that she will conceive a child with him if they were to ever get married and later on she opts out, or discovers that she is not able to bare another child. His role is a volatile one. This is Between Me and Him: Will and Tierra have been an item for going on a year and everything seems to be going well.I Call Bullshit On Single Black Mothers Being Undateable and Unmarriagable
One evening, Tierra gets a call from Kevin demanding that she come pick up Donte, as he has to attend to an urgent, unexpected matter, likely just a ploy to interrupt her time with her boyfriend. She had an evening of movies planned with Will at her place. Kevin is upset not only because of the back and forth that he had on the phone with Tierra about picking their son up early, but he hates knowing that Tierra has clearly moved on from him.
After getting their child safely in the car, the arguing continues between Kevin and Tierra and they start fighting — fist fighting, in the middle of the street.
Kevin grabs Tierra by the face and it sets her off. Tierra arrives at home where Will patiently waits for her in her driveway.
He understands that dating a single mom comes with unexpected interruptions but that the most important thing is for her to take care of Donte. When Tierra gets out the car, Will can see that something is wrong with her. As she turns to him with Donte on her shoulder still a bit disheveled.
I need to go over there and handle it! What if you hurt him? What if both of you end up in jail? Did you even think about that?
Just play your position! As a man, we have a natural inclination to protect our woman. Will is disabled from doing his job in defending her appropriately, because in a situation like this one, the damage that he causes Kevin damages Donte. If Will is going to be with Tierra — than he might as well love Kevin too. Think of another man entering your home with your woman walking hand in hand to the bedroom that you share, having sex with her, as you sit there in a nearby chair watching him go in and out of her as he gives her long deep strokes, hearing her moan in pleasure, crying tears of joy.
After giving her a full load of his seamen dripping out of her vagina, you get the grand privilege of carrying her over the threshold to the bathroom, getting some warm water and mild soap and washing out his remains and then kissing her on the vagina to make sure she feels better after he just stretched her out. Usually it was because she was a widow or the father had completely abandoned his family. The stepdad became the new dad. What most men inherit when dealing with a single mom these days is the bi-product of a fun night in the sack and the dismissive use of contraception.
Even when their is a relationship, many pregnancies were either unplanned or unwanted. A childless Black man will observe the child physically and mentally grow into his daddy, inheriting so many of his ways and tendencies whereas the man does not a have a child of his own to rear and watch mature. Her son was in pre-school. The father had apparently not seen his child for over 6 months despite living in the same city.
When the father did reach out to the mother, it was usually to make an empty promise that he would come and get their son for the weekend, buy him some clothes and spend quality time with him.
Those weekends never came. Her frustration led her to make a very striking and startling statement that I will never forget: The dating landscape in general can come with a lot of pitfalls and traps. For many of us who were raised with some type of spiritual or religious upbringing, we can view it as noble to be able and willing to care for a woman who has a child or children.
There was a time where for many reasons that I viewed being with a single mother as not only a dating preference but even as a part of my responsibility. Many of us men with no children including myself have a natural love and affinity for children, especially when they are small.
I myself worked with small children and within a matter of weeks I grew to have a genuine love for each of them individually and even felt compelled to take care of several of them if it was necessary. In my case, a large part of why I have been historically hesitant about being a father was fear of failure of perfecting the role of father. My thoughts used to be that as a father, I must get it all right all the time. I would not have been able to live with myself if I ever messed up a family through the tackiness and demise of a family associated with infidelity or not being an adequate provider.
Even not doing enough in the way of teaching and training my children would have been enough to put off or no longer consider fatherhood. This is a marathon.
THE DETRIMENT OF DATING SINGLE MOTHERS FOR CHILDLESS BLACK MEN
Dating is an application process. Remember, you are the prize. Take your time Again, this is not a swift race. You want the man for YOU.
Take your time, pay attention to what you are attracting, and be still enough to be honest with yourself about whether it is truly what you want. Take your time when dating. Everything is excellent in the beginning.
But, we all know it can change. Dating is your process. You have so much power. Please know who you are and what you want in a man first.
Whisper users reveal why they never date single mothers | Daily Mail Online
Sure, you learned something and you lived. But, to get what you want in a man, you have to first know what that is. Contrary to popular movies, music, and radio, experimenting with everybody is NOT a strategy.
Now, do I know it all? But, in my almost 40 years and 14 as a single mom, I have paid attention and been the go to source for married and single folks to get sound advice. My faith guides me these days and I refuse to rely on my own desires and rush into something that I know is ultimately not going to serve me. Are you there yet?
Have a seat and get to know you. Write down your wants and deal breakers. Now, a woman on a mission will have many suitors at once. I said entertain, chat, date. You need to see how these folks behave in season and out. In the end, you will do the picking. Be upfront and honest about what you want. Tell him what you want and mean it. Click To Tweet Tell him what you want early on and mean it This is the place where we as women lose so much ground.
So, do the work listed above and be confident in this next season of your life. You will find a love deserving of you when you know what you deserve and act like it.